There is a problem many of us kind-hearted people experience when dealing with others. The problem is empathy, specifically too much empathy. Often times as children we were taught to be sensitive to other people’s struggles and feelings. We were told to think from another person’s point of view, identifying with their struggles. If a person is upset that we care about we should compromise and accommodate them as best we can. We were taught that getting along was the priority. But, what if the person has a never-ending list of problems and critiques? What if you are made to feel bad on a regular basis for not living up to expectations? The fine line is deciding when empathy is healthy and when it becomes abusive. When empathy is healthy, there is a natural give and take, and both parties feel respected, acknowledged and content with each other on a regular
basis. However, there are some people in this world that do not want to take accountability for their own problems. They will take advantage of flexible, good-natured people. This is when empathizing can get out of hand. For these people, nothing you do will ever make them consistently happy. Every problem in their life will become your fault and your mistake depending upon how close a relationship you have. These people thrive on creating an unequal balance of power so they don’t have to take responsibility. It is easier to blame everything on another person than change
themselves. I identify very closely with this dilemma because in the past, I had a tendency of empathizing too much. I was in abusive situations because I prioritized making people happy
over feeling respected. I lost my voice because constantly accommodating people who didn’t care about my feelings made me feel worthless. I started to see myself through their critical eyes and
believed I deserved to have nothing I wanted. Thankfully, through yoga and surrounding
myself with people who cherish me I was able to develop higher self-esteem. Now when I have a conflict with someone, I think about my action independently of their thoughts. I think about whether my actions were in line with my values, such as did I make a decision fairly, did I have good intentions, etc. If I feel a person is upset with me, I apologize for hurting their feelings. However, I refuse to link their views to my character anymore. I set boundaries for how I am treated. I also can see if accommodating another person gets out of hand. Here is a good litmus test to see if you are empathizing too much. If a person continually makes you feel you are making mistake after
mistake and you have to earn respect/ approval, you are empathizing too much. Set boundaries for what behavior you will and will not accept while being kind and understanding. That is the safest and healthiest form of empathy.
basis. However, there are some people in this world that do not want to take accountability for their own problems. They will take advantage of flexible, good-natured people. This is when empathizing can get out of hand. For these people, nothing you do will ever make them consistently happy. Every problem in their life will become your fault and your mistake depending upon how close a relationship you have. These people thrive on creating an unequal balance of power so they don’t have to take responsibility. It is easier to blame everything on another person than change
themselves. I identify very closely with this dilemma because in the past, I had a tendency of empathizing too much. I was in abusive situations because I prioritized making people happy
over feeling respected. I lost my voice because constantly accommodating people who didn’t care about my feelings made me feel worthless. I started to see myself through their critical eyes and
believed I deserved to have nothing I wanted. Thankfully, through yoga and surrounding
myself with people who cherish me I was able to develop higher self-esteem. Now when I have a conflict with someone, I think about my action independently of their thoughts. I think about whether my actions were in line with my values, such as did I make a decision fairly, did I have good intentions, etc. If I feel a person is upset with me, I apologize for hurting their feelings. However, I refuse to link their views to my character anymore. I set boundaries for how I am treated. I also can see if accommodating another person gets out of hand. Here is a good litmus test to see if you are empathizing too much. If a person continually makes you feel you are making mistake after
mistake and you have to earn respect/ approval, you are empathizing too much. Set boundaries for what behavior you will and will not accept while being kind and understanding. That is the safest and healthiest form of empathy.
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